The Hand-off

I told my sister recently that I remember driving with my parents to go pick her up in Allentown many years ago, though the precise location is one I cannot recall. Our parents, Carl and Cherie Valentino, of Reading, had already adopted my brother Bobby and me (from Bethlehem and Philadelphia, respectively), and they were now adding a girl to the mix.

That girl turned out to be a vivacious little spitfire they called, “Ronni Sue,” a name with connections to good friends of theirs. The nice agency folks in Allentown handed her off to us, and then we took her home. (As far as I was concerned, that’s where babies came from. You just go somewhere, pick them up, and bring them home.)

On the drive back to our house, Bobby and I let Ronni Sue sit between us so we could both talk to her and get to know her. She smiled a lot and spoke the language of a toddler. We were off to a good start, no doubt because Mom and Dad had prepared us for such a unique encounter.

Many handoffs would follow. We handed Ronni off to kindergarten, then to middle school, and then to high school. We handed her off to a variety of dates and duds over the years, and then to marriage and motherhood. We handed her off to various locations and occupations taking her to numerous cities, towns, residences, and even a houseboat.

This morning at a care facility in Baltimore, I took Ronni’s hand, sensing her journey on earth was nearing its completion. At 8:23 a.m., she took her last breath, with her hand still in mine. It was a sacred moment. And it was my honor to hand her off to Jesus.

Though still scarred, the hands of Jesus are gentle, loving, strong, and pulsating with life.

Forever.

What a hope we have in the risen Christ.

So, good night, dear sister.

Because of Easter, I know our hands will touch again.

Living the Dream

While the rest of the family spends their week in Hickory, North Carolina for the triennial Taylor Family Reunion, I’ve chosen to stay home to spend some quality time with my sister. She no longer has good days, just bad days and worse days. Occasionally she has some good segments of days, for which we’re grateful. 

Yesterday she was having a good segment, so we slid ourselves into the car and drove to Reading, PA, our old stomping grounds growing up. (It’s always fun to hear people pronounce it “Reed-ing,” especially when we play Monopoly out of town. Actually, it’s pronounced, “Redd-ing,” though none us really knows why.)

Our little daytrip was filled with laughter, tears, memories, and a good bit of nostalgia. We talked about what our lives were. We talked about what our lives have become. We talked about what our lives might have been had we never been adopted. We talked about what our lives will be in eternity. 

We talked about things that matter, with a good bit of silliness thrown in from time to time to make it fun. Indeed, there’s a time for everything under the sun.

Sunrise. Sunset.

Yesterday after sunrise, we got to see:

Our old row home at 553 S. 15½ Street in Reading, a place of love and chaos, in equal measure.

Our nana and aunt’s home, which was four houses down the street from ours, a place of love and refuge, in abundance.

The steep back alley where we used to race our model cars, our snow sleds, our Tonka trucks, and our bikes whenever we wanted to play “Evel Knievel.”

The walkway between houses where little Ricky once peed on Lily’s windows. On purpose. Lily was not happy, and she scrubbed those windows with a scowl and ferocity hitherto unseen in our neighborhood.

The old 16th and Fairview Mennonite Church, where we used to go to vacation Bible school, now a Spanish-speaking Seventh Day Adventist church. I remember the cookies, the punch, and my first Bible verse, “I will trust and not be afraid” (Isaiah 12:2). I especially remember the love of those old Mennonite teachers. Back then, they could hug you.

The Old Tack’s Sandwich Shop at 16th & Cotton Streets, which is now a different kind of sandwich shop. “That just right steak sauce” is a thing of the past, except in our memories.

The old jewelry store where we would buy our mom a cheap little Christmas pin each year from our allowance, just in time for the Christmas Eve service. She cried every time, even though the thing was probably hideous. Come to think of it, maybe she cried because it was hideous.

Our old elementary school at 16th & Haak Streets, where we played street hockey and broke windows with errant shots on goal.

The Neversink Playground on Fairview Street, where several bones were broken and deep cuts needing to be stitched took place.

The old East Reading Swimming Pool on S. 14½ Street, where I learned to swim.

The old Hillside Swimming Pool on N. 14th Street, where I worked as a lifeguard.

All the schools on N. 13th Street, including Reading High School, and the Geigle Sports Complex/Natatorium, where I spent most of my high school days getting pruned.

We saw traditional landmarks, like the Pagoda, the Courthouse, the Fire Tower, and City Park. 

We had a blast pointing out all the houses where all our friends used to live, and the memories we made with them.

We recalled the various places along the way where we sustained injuries requiring trips to the emergency room. I especially enjoyed seeing the telephone pole I slammed into the day my brother and I switched bikes. I broke my thumb, and he broke his two front teeth. (Our brake settings were vastly different.) Dad was not happy, and he scowled at us much like Lily when she cleaned her newly anointed windows.

We then came home and had a steak dinner at sunset, just the two of us. We even had Pennsylvania Dutch potato filling to go with it, something we enjoyed every holiday meal growing up. We also had a dessert from “Sweet Street” in Reading called “Ever-Lovin’ Spoonful” chocolate cake. It was divine. 

Amidst our gospel conversations, we talked about a recurring dream I had when I was a little boy. It was always solemn but never scary. The setting of the dream was a lush, tree-lined meadow with thick green grass and sun rays bursting through the branches. Numerous caskets with sets of steps in front of each one followed the crescent path of the tree line. 

In this recurring dream, I helped each of my family members into their caskets, one at a time, closing the lid and then moving to the next family member. 

The last casket was mine. After I crawled into it, I would pull down the lid, only to wake up right before it was completely shut.

I never understood why I kept having that dream as a little boy, but its contents have played out over the years as I’ve buried quite a few family members—parents, godparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, a brother, and others.  

As a Christian pastor, I’ve gotten to sneer at death each time with a version of these marvelous words from the Church of England’s committal service:

In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life
through our Lord Jesus Christ,
who will transform our frail bodies
that they may be conformed to his glorious body,
who died, was buried, and rose again for us”.

I’d like to think that my waking up before the complete closing of my own casket lid was a hint of my pre-death rapture, but if not, I can still say with the Apostle Paul, “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”

Even now, in the face of my sister’s cancer, I can say to death, “Because of Easter, you’ve become God’s conscripted little escort, leading us into his glorious presence for all eternity.”

I can say to death, “Thanks for harvesting the earth for the great banquet to come. We’ll rejoice in your humiliation when we dine with God. The chocolate cake is divine, and you can’t have any.”

I can say to death, “Because of the risen Christ, all is well. And it will be forever.”

Sunrise. Sunset.

Sunrise.

The Boys and Beowulf

We had a glorious time with our munchkins last week—nine whole days while mommy and daddy took a second honeymoon to Cabo, Mexico. We went to the pool, did tractor rides, visited a petting park, played at the playground, got ice cream, read stories, played in the toy room and backyard, went to church, and had a blast every single day. The best part was getting to do daily cuddles at nap time and bedtime. It’s a deep joy to just hold Samuel and Levi and watch them as they fall asleep. We created some treasured memories that will last a lifetime. The pics and clips below are just a few highlights of the many I could share.

In other news, my sister moved into our place earlier today. She was exhausted from the journey and is a bit weaker and thinner than I had expected. And getting the place ready was a lot more emotional than I thought it would be. I set around pictures and knick-knacks from the old days, along with dishes, plates, and other items from our time growing up in East Reading, PA. Featured prominently are some of my mother’s counted cross-stitch creations. Then there are the bowls of nonpareils, spearmint gummies, and Swedish fish that our Nana always had setting out during the year.

Cancer is a dragon, but love is the Beowulf that can slay it in the end. Rumor has it that eternity is an exuberant and sanctified mead hall. So, onward we go to the heavenly Heorot, one day at a time.

Addendum

The kids at our “Stellar” VBS got a kick out of tonight’s character, Luna. In large measure, that was because she has blue hair. More than one child encouraged to make my hair blue, too. What do you think?

Emmanuel

So, where have I been lately? It’s been almost a month since I posted anything on This New Life. It’s not been for lack of desire, however. Life just happens sometimes. In this case, all the usual suspects are in play again. 

A growing church. An exegetical dissertation. A period of local and denominational leadership. A partial career shift, with its many attendant realignments. A slate of courses to teach, both at the local institute level and the master’s level for a university out of state. And a joyful, ongoing stint as “Papa” to the two most amazing little boys in the universe. 

There was also the attempted recovery from all the pain that accompanied our journey through Alzheimer’s Disease with my live-in mother-in-law. I say “attempted” because one never really recovers fully from such trauma; we simply learn to live into the new normal with divine resources to counter the lingering sadness. The stress is gone, but the numbness remains. Through it all, though, God is faithful to supply our emotional daily bread. Today is Lorena’s first birthday in heaven.

Finally, there’s another new normal we’ve been anticipating and now are preparing for. My younger sister, Ronni Sue, has advanced-stage cancer in several places throughout her body. Doctors give her about six more months to live. Only God knows the real time of our departure, but that’s the timeframe her care team has given.

For lots of different reasons, Ronni is going to move into “the granny flat” addition we built for my mother-in-law several years ago and finish out her journey with us. We’re grateful to have the means and opportunity to do so.

We’re not sure how the adventure will unfold, but we can say with utmost confidence, “Emmanuel,” God is with us. For those who pray, thanks in advance for lifting my sister before the throne of grace. She’s a believer in Christ. And despite her many challenges in life, she’s one of the kindest people I know.

Throwback Thursday: Where My Swimming Career Began

My introduction to swimming pools began a long time ago in Reading, PA. My brother and sister and I grew up in a row home with a very small backyard, but it was big enough to accommodate an inflatable pool. My Nana, who lived just a few houses down the street from us, also had a blow-up pool. We eventually graduated to the real thing, as the East Reading Swimming Association featured an outdoor pool that was only a few blocks from our house. Neighborhood kids loved it, even though it was an odd size for racing (33-1/3 yards instead of 25 or 50 yards/meters). The faded color of these Kodak snaps shows how long ago they were taken.

L to R: Me, my mom (with her beehive hairdo), my younger sister Ronni, and my older brother Bobby. (Presumably that’s my dad’s finger on the far right.) Bob and I are preparing our containers to squirt our sister.
Me going solo in the inflatable pool at my Nana’s house. Apparently, we had a cookout that day. And, apparently, I was up to something sinister, as indicated by my tongue sticking out.
My first time off the 1-meter diving board at the East Reading pool. The following year I tackled the 3-meter board behind me.