One Less Hole in My Head

Tooth #5, which has been M.I.A. since I cracked it last spring in Oxford, has finally been replaced. The journey has taken a lot longer than normal because of the virus. Despite all the delays, my dentist has done a great job with the repair work. He’s been a real pro, and I appreciate his many efforts on my behalf.

Things feel a little snug inside my mouth right now, like when I first got my retainer in the fifth grade, but I’m told that that’s normal and won’t last long. I even have a hint of a lisp right now, which I’m assured will go away in a few days, too. Supposedly it’s a short adjustment period for a procedure like this.

One thing I didn’t know about dental implants is that the “filler” used to impact the stem is made from cadaver bone. One technician told me it can come from people all over the world, and that I might have someone from Australia or Finland or Spain inside my mouth right now. I asked her if that could change my accent. 

Actually, this procedure has led to dozens of jokes along the way, and we’ve all gotten a few laughs out of them.

Implants involve threaded screws, so there’s the whole “screws loose” line.

The crown is made of zirconia, so there’s the whole “fake diamond in my head” routine.

Lately I’ve been singing “All I Want for Christmas” along with Alvin and the Chipmunks, which refers to missing teeth.

And then, of course, there’s the “I got implants” riff. (That was even funnier back when I had tubes put in my ears. Those are made of silicone.) 

But my favorite was the hole-in-the-head bit. I’m glad that today I finally have one less in my own.

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